Sta.sh
Bioware owns Mass Effect and these characters:
SSV Normandy, Captains Quarters:
Commander Sarah Shepard dragged herself down the steps as she stripped out of the cracked and dented armor she wore down to Tuchanka. She was so tired and just emotionally…done. She staggered a bit and caught herself against the wall by her desk.
She couldn't believe Mordin was dead. He was such a good friend, she loved hearing him ramble on about STG, his work, ethics and even art. The black cloud gathered around her soul again. Everyone she valued and loved died. She sank to her knees and leaned against the wall as she tore off her chest-plate. Exhaustion, loss and pain swelled up in her breast making it hard to breathe, to think. The pain was thick and heavy but she fought it, pushed it down. Down with all the rest, Alenko, her parents, brother and friends on Mindoir, Elysium, Pressly, her last crew, an entire Batarian colony. Her fault, each and every one. Each was a dark, heavy, twisted scar on her soul. There was no joy for her. No solace. No…anything.
Her head drooped and she slowly fell forward and curled up in a small ball on the cold floor, doing her best to not cry. Not to grieve. Not to give in. To feel…nothing. She had to be strong or Liara could be next.
'''''
SSV Normandy, Crew Deck:
Liara watched the footage from Tuchanka. Her heart was in her throat as she watched the horrific footage from Shepard's visor-cam. She gasped as the Reaper actually stepped over her to fight the Thresher-Maw. "Goddess," she breathed, "how could she put herself in danger like that?" Irrational anger welled up within her as she thought of what could have happened to Sarah.
She stepped away from the terminal just as the door chimed and opened for Garrus. He stepped in with scarred armor and mandibles twitching in anger. "What the hell is the matter with you?" He demanded.
Already angry, Liara lashed back. "I don't have time for this, Garrus! How could you let her get that close to a Reaper? She could have been killed!" The blue glow of her biotics flared around her as she started losing control of her anger.
"Let her? When has anyone but you been able to tell her anything?" He yelled back as he jabbed a finger at her. "She's getting it done down there! Oh, and by the way, she just lost ANOTHER close friend and it's tearing her apart! And you sit in your room watching the footage!"
"She didn't choose me to go, Garrus. You know that!" She hissed.
"Because she loves you!"
A deafening silence fell over the room for a few long moments and the glow around Liara vanished immediately.
"What…how does…but…" She stammered.
Garrus shook his head in disgust. "Spirits, why can't you see it? Yes, because she loves you." He continued. "She has lost so much, has had so much death in her life. Is it really surprising she doesn't want to put you in danger? She just lost a very close friend and you stand here watching the vid? You should be up there holding her and telling her you love her and giving her a reason to live and fight!"
"But…"
"But nothing!" He snarled. "There is no excuse good enough. No work important enough. You are lucky enough to have her heart, she could die tomorrow. You should be together every possible waking and sleeping moment." He stood there, finished, tired, breathing hard.
Liara bowed her head as her eyes welled with tears. "You are right." She whispered. "I've been so…"
"You've been fighting the good fight, Liara. We all have, but sometimes we need to be reminded what's important." He stepped to the door and paused. "She's in pain, Liara. She needs you. And you need her." With that he walked out and left her alone.
'''''
SSV Normandy, Captain's Quarters:
The doors hissed open and Liara stepped inside to a dark room illuminated only by the aquarium. She knew Shepard was here, EDI had confirmed it as she rode the elevator up. She glided down the steps and heard it, a small gasping sob and faint whispering from beside the bed. Liara walked around the far side and found her love curled up on the floor by the nightstand. And her heart broke at the sight.
"I can't be weak. It's all my fault, but I can't be weak. I must be strong. I can't be weak." Shepard whispered over and over again as she fought the tears, fought the pain, tried so very hard to be strong.
Gentle hands pulled her up and caring arms embraced her in the darkness. She heard the loving words form the one person in the galaxy she would do anything for and the pain and trouble staining her heart eased. "I am here, Sarah." She cooed softly. "You are not alone. I am here and I love you."
Sarah's heart soared hearing Liara's gentle voice so close, feeling her arms wrapped around her. "I…I need you so much." She admitted as tears came unbidden, torrential, releasing the pent-up pain and love clashing within her heart. "I have nothing without you, Liara." She said as she desperately clung to her lover. "I am nothing without you."
Liara bit her lip to keep from crying. The pain Sarah was in was partly her fault and she had to admit she needed this wondrous woman so much. Liara needed her warmth, her touch, her love. Perhaps that was what really mattered in this war. Not intel, not plans and resources.
Maybe love would make the difference in the end.
She kissed Sarah's forehead, her cheek, her tears, and finally her lips. She felt those amazingly soft lips fearfully return the kiss, but then melt into her own. Liara's heart filled with love and passion and how very perfect and complete she felt with Sarah. Her own tears traced down her cheeks to mix with Sarah's as they clung desperately to each other in the darkness and their kisses deepened fueling their desire for each other.
She didn't know just when she started stripping off Sarah's remaining armor or when her own clothes fell to the floor. And she didn't care. Before she knew it, Sarah was kissing her way down Liara's neck and further down her chest, her hands caressing her firm body, making her passion grow. Finally Liara instinctively reached out with her mind and melded with Sarah, bringing them together in a way deeper than any other couple could.
It was perfect, it was passion, it was love.
Hours later, as they lay together, wrapped in each other's arms and feeling every breath and heartbeat in the darkness, Liara realized two things.
She could never be without Sarah again and love would win this war.
Love was all that mattered.
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I like Garrus` lines here, and Liara angry - that`s not what you see often. You are good at emotional stuff, everything you write feels - exactly feels - like real, not simply like I see a movie - but like I 'feel' the soothing touch, hear the words. I don`t know how to describe it, some journalists often use word 'works', but I preffer term "breaths'. Your stories breath, and reading such vivid alive pictures is great pleasure!
Thanks! I think the love and emotions are the true triumph of the game. Like toward the end of ME3 Sheps' replies get a bit more breathy, tired. After they kill the Reaper on Earth Anderson says something like, there's another problem. and she says, "Of course there is." Good acting by Miss Hale to convey Shepard's emotional exhaustion. To me at least. 
An excellent start, you word Shepard's anguish vividly, echoing many of my own character's experiences. Sentences like "Each was a dark, heavy, twisted scar on her soul." really sum up the gravity of each of those decisions well and I couldn't have described it any better myself.
I would perhaps ease up on the physical aspects of the melodrama, though; having Shepard mumble to herself, curling up in a ball, etc can give the wrong impression, especially without any prior context to base it against. Being 'angsty' is all well and good but you run the risk of making Shepard look weak by nature, as opposed to showing a moment of weakness, as it were - there's a big difference between someone's inner anguish and those outward representations and keeping those separate is absolutely paramount if you're looking to portray a strong person. Of course, this may not be your intention (indeed, every Shepard is different), but it might be worth keeping in mind for the future.
That aside, the only real issue I have is with the second portion of the story.
Though well enough written, the exchange between Garrus and Liara felt a little off to me, mainly because I simply can't see Garrus getting so angry. Even during his darkest moments in the series, Garrus always exuded more of a quiet menace than outright rage, always remained cool and collected and so I can't help but feel his characterisation felt a bit inaccurate in this piece.
In any case, the points above are more about how you've portrayed the characters as opposed to the quality of the work itself, which I cannot fault. All in all the message of the story was clear and well delivered, and you can be proud of the many small moments you've used to get that message across.
Overall, I think that you've settled into a very smooth, very readable style so now it's just a matter of focusing on consistent characterisation. It's difficult to do with short stories, I know, which is why it's so important to really look at the image your characters are presenting to the reader and ask yourself 'Are they coming across as I've intended? What kind of a person will a first-time/random reader see?'.
Hope this has been helpful to you. Keep up the good work!
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