ME3: For her, for them...

F-Shepard/Liara

The pain.  Always the pain.  Always with her.  Always pressing.  She pushed it away.  Pushed it down.  It  finally fades to dull excruciation.  Familiar.  Almost a friend.  

She stood.  Barely.  Hunched over the wound which continued to gush crimson life from under her palm no matter how hard she pressed it or how terribly she scowled at it.  The Carnifex in her right hand seemed a dead weight that pulled at her, trying to drag her to the ground.  The burns, the wounds, the broken bones assaulted her being from every direction, but none compared to the pain in her soul.  Her heart.  Her being.

The choices loomed.  Her last horizon.  Her final port of call.  One last impossible mission.  Knowing it was nearly over was terrible bitter sweet relief crushing devastation of hope and love.  Her soul was so tired, so very tired.  She felt the exhaustion well up only to be crushed by profound agonizing loss.  

She moved forward.  Staggered, limped, aimless, grief-stricken, devastated, ruined.  It must be done.  Her mind's eye saw only eyes of blue, soft lips, embracing arms, and the one soul she had ever loved.  

For her, she took another step.  She sees her hanging in the air.  The expert caught in an ancient trap.  Chagrinned, embarrassed, yet composed, analytical and so beautiful.  With only a glance over her shoulder and those few innocent words about she can't remember what, the soft spoken woman captured the Marine's heart.  It was in that moment when she started living for more than duty, honor, service.

For her, another step.  She sees those trusting eyes, remembers the almost naïve way she confessed her feelings.  Another step and a small grin.  "I feel the same way." She whispers through split lips as agony lances up her side and through her heart.

For her, another step.  Passion, bliss, finally whole, two souls search each other, touch, love, taste, completeness, an end to loneliness, real purpose, and sweet epic surrender to her.  "You were amazing."  She whispers to herself.  The cold pushes itself into her thoughts.  Legs so heavy.  So hard.  So tired.

For her, another step and a decision.  Easier than she thought.  Must focus.  Play the odds.  Save all.  Save them.  Save her.  Them.  Her.

More steps.  Breathing is harder, blood spatters the deck when she doubles over coughing.  Chest so heavy, heart so rent.  

For her, another step.  The cruel memory comes unbidden, 'I can't do this if you are here, you have to go, I'm sorry, please forgive me, I need to know you are safe, you have to live, I love you, so please don't hate me, you have to go…' "Liara, go. Now."  She whispers, seeing again the hurt in the way she stands, feeling her heart break anew.  Knowing it was right, hating why, hating the need, hating herself.  

For her, another step.  Air vents into space.  A leak.  Must think, plug the hole, find it, must be a way, can't end like…please, stop?  Think!  Can't  breathe…no…air…blue eyes…gentle touch…no, have to…have to…please no…eyes so blue…so deep…breathe!...no…air…darkness pulls… "Gha…" No!...finally happy not alone… please NO!..."Liara…"

For her, another step.  Supreme dislocation, panic-must keep it down, push it away.  Panic never helps... Control!  'Where?' Lost, confusion, battle, explosions, pain.  Always the pain.  'My old friend, pain.' Must fight, must win, must kill, must find Liara.  Find my love.  The fear crashes in her heart, her very being, but for her, she over-comes.  For her, she moves, fights, kills…wins.

For her, another step.  Exhilaration, butterflies, anxiety, love, nervous, longing.  Step into her arms. Finally with her.  Her arms, around me.  Her scent, so consumes me.  Her lips, so soft.  Her eyes…hesitant?  Guarded?  So long for her, so new to me, but this hurts more than dying.  The pain lances through her, but she sees the agony in those deep blue eyes.  Must carry on.  Fight to live another day.  Live to love another day.  

For her, another step.  Destruction, battle, mayhem, death, rescue, victory!  My arms around her again...finally again.  Her breath on my cheek.  Her lips so…everything.  Hold her, feel her.  Finally whole.  Promise I'm hers, I'll be back, I'm always coming back… "I dunno, I'll need something special to come back to…" The whisper turns to coughing that wracks her body and blood, so much blood spatters the deck plates…where?  

For her, another step.  Need for her. Nearly done...time so short, she's there again.  Always when I really need.  Her comfort, confidence, love, faith in me?  Why?  Who am I to deserve this?  I am nothing compared to her…her light…her…everything.  Bask in her light.  Her love.  Only truly happy when we are one…I need her so!  So perfect, so right, so…everything.  And when the dreams come again, she is there for me.  Heart breaks a little more thinking how…everything she is.

For her, she stands straighter, throws the pain asunder and steps quicker.  For her.  Their last, perfect moment.  On Earth, joined to her among the ruins.  Seeing her, feeling her very soul.  Everything she is, her pure love makes her heart weep.  Seeing her love and what they are together.  Giving herself to her...everything.  Seeing the…new light, the new soul...growing, coming to be within her love, shared between the two, of her love and herself, of them both.  Of them.  Their daughter.  Seeing, crying, feeling joy and hope dawn again.  Knowing, there is hope, a  future and more.  But not for herself, too late for herself, only for her, for them...

For them, she raises the pistol and fires precision shots into the capacitor.  For them, she screams in defiance, screams in victory, screams in anguish and loss as the world in front of her blossoms in beautiful, chaotic, perfect, fiery death.  Still she fires and screams her love's name as tears stream from her eyes and loss crushes her heart as the flames engulf her, searing flesh, she breathes it in and feels the fire in her breast.  For them, she fires and fires and fires and screams and screams…

Rest at last.  

No more struggles...

Her body rests among wreckage and refuse.  

Silence at last.  

No more pain...

The torn flesh and scars matter no more.

No more…love…hope…no more…Shepard.

No more…Liara?  

No more baby?

For them...

....she breathes.